Guilt by dissociation
Please forgive them, they don’t intend to be terrible people. They just are.
What was so important that you had to take a life?
Is he planning to hide that he used dissociation with some fluffy story that isn’t about rape? Why is stealing and fraud ok for the good-looking who say that anyone who loses their record deal is a loser and should kill themselves? Oh, how embarrassing, and what a loser you are if you don’t make it after you leave the band. What – a – loser. He said that they are the epitome of a loser and that they should just take their life rather than live with the shame of it all.
A good part of my Australian Poetry Honours Class wanted to go into the music industry, others wanted to be in magazines, and yet others wanted to duke it out with each other to go into publishing. I didn’t want to be in music, lyrics, publishing or magazines, I wanted to found a company.
He committed treason and disparaged the princess royal. Then he tried to kill me, didn’t he? Well not quite, not quite, no he said that he would train me to commit suicide. He sent someone with a history of forcing suicide to do the dirty work at Bond, but all the rich men sent him away, saying, “Who is this revolting person, gee I don’t like your friends Kimberley, they are scum.” None of the other scum were allowed to visit me. I lived with family so they couldn’t get at me. My baby niece wasn’t allowed to visit my home if his gay prostitute friend was there gathering information that he made up so that it could be used against me if required. It’s all false, and this prostitute can’t ever use it because in Australia you can’t sell stories from committing a crime. No, and they all lie in court. He said that he would lie in court when caught, that that’s why he is setting it all about this way. Well, I heard a year after that his alibi died. Died. Wow what a heavy cross to bear. To ensure that his alibi was terrified of his he used to raise his voice to him, abuse him, and that big label boss, who worked for Sony at some points used to cry in that room. Imagine a label owner crying about the extent of abuse while all the rappers sat outside the room. He would sit there howling. You couldn’t hear him howl about the extent of the abuse over the heavy Drum and Bass.
When he was calling to abuse me and to tell me to commit suicide, I told him that I “practically lived” in a law school Frat house. He said that he had a clean getaway with the money that he stole.
Do you know that he committed treason? He spoke openly about her sex life and how she couldn’t handle fame the way that he could. He said all children would be killed, and he would send someone to Sydney to keep dissociating me, that he could only get away with it if he kept lying, so the person dissociated. Yes, it was enough money, I think, to demand a suicide. Is one hundred million enough to kill for? Is earning 20 thousand per week enough to kill for? Is plagiarism and tax fraud enough to kill for? I told the suicide killer that I was about to get veneers, to take out my buccal fat, and to move to Dural and buy horses and have stables and go back into he big community of stealth wealth people that we knew. No, Dural is stealth wealth, tweedy, down home, understated, take your shoes off, wear jodhpurs and riding boots, we were not all for show like the North Shore who at the time wore their label on their T-shirt or their belt or their shoes.
When I told him that everyone I knew was more important and wealthier, he said that was why he was holding me against my will to work. He wanted to steal my money so that he could be richer than I am and richer than all of our friends, and when he was richer than all our friends, no one could stop him and then he would hire a team to “make sure that I keep the money.”
He tried to call to dissociate me before every date. Oh no, he said, I can’t get to you there and dissociate you. So he called before the dates to ensure a quiet and compliant mood. He was upset that he would find out because I was dating a friend of Bill Gates. The abuse and effects of dissocation build up, and there is a hairline fracture in the end. I just shrugged it off at the time. But I told him that I lived in the law school Frat house. He yelled at me. He said to stay away from lawyers. Well that means that I have to stay away from my brother. He said that he was sending “the dog man” to take care of my brother and to lie about what happened in London. I had made the mistake of telling him that you see, in rich families, you have to hit the ground running and that I had to have a successful company by 30, which was only 5 years away. So I had to quickly get an MBA and an MA in Branding and PR, and then, and that I had to have at least 1 million more by then, yes, I could have made a lot more in the music industry but the men held me against my will and stole my work against my will so that they could “get rich” instead. I just didn’t want to be that person. All that focus on sex, yawn. All that lasciviousness, “Aren’t we having a good time.” All that horrible sex orgy t All that horrible sex orgy type, all the jokes about S & M and going as a group to a Hellfire Club. I wanted to go into politics, and no, no rich girls wanted to do the origes. Even the middle class Mosmans didn’t want to do the orgies, Fireman Sam. Even the Manly ones, (well they weren’t asked) and especially the Toorak ones.
He said that he was having sex with women that he felt sorry for, like, when their single doesn’t goes as far up the charts, or if they don’t look like a supermodel, he would do “I feel sorry for her sex.” I told him that he is disgusting. What a disgusting person I would quip. Why are you leading those women on. I always said no, because I knew that legally, I would be in a weaker position if I said yes, that I wouldn’t be able to prove that it was stealing. Everyone was hotter than him there; he was the pudgy, fat, soft one with waxy-oily skin, like a sheen from just coming back from a brothel. There were gorgeous men of colour, twenty or so of them, everyone had a better body than he did, many of them hadn’t had surgery like him, but they were naturally hotter and better. They didn’t need the surgery that he had.
The fat ugly ethnic girl, (well she wasn’t fat then) gained weight to avoid rape so its fun to make fun of her weight, you see. See she wasn’t poor and didn’t want to be famous so she didn’t want to be 45 kilos, she said she was too rich to have to be that thin. Being that thin is for poor people who want to be famous. I was 57 kilos. I was at a spa in Florida and I was interviewed for a local station. When I complained about my weight, she said that I wasn’t fat, I was the same size that she was but I couldn’t see it. She said that I had Body Dysmorphia. Body Dysmorphia doesn’t mean that you have anorexia it just means that you think that you are ugly and fat even when you are under the suggested BMI for 5’7. It’s perfect for predatory men in the music industry who prefer to sleep with little children or grown men.