For some people fame is a drug.
Never get in the way of a man who has vein imaginings that his kids are going to be on a royal throne one day, or that they are setting out with that as a major career goal for themselves.
Or that with all the right moves, and enough ambition that he can manoeuvre and ingratiate himself with royalty. He told me this in the mid-90’s. “I want me kids to be on the throne,” he said. He also wanted an investiture earned in part by forcing me to work, and to make it appear that my work is his. “This will get me knighted.” He lets every broadsheet print that lie. It would be the biggest retraction in British history. He doesn’t try to correct it, you don’t force, dissociate and inure someone to get their work, and then admit that that is what you did to get their work. It would have been simple to use a non-de-plume. Just remember that when he mentions the ugly. Remember it’s just a narc talking.
What measures would a man who wants to be worshipped (who is not known as a great actor, or great creative) what measures would a man take to be worshipped? If a man’s aim is to be worshipped it doesn’t matter where the work came from, now does it?
Men who have had sex slaves and hung out with self-confessed racists, who have stolen their work shouldn’t be able to maneuver their kids to be given a shot at the throne. Or so you would think. Or to even be raised with seeds planted to make them think that they want to, or that they could or that they should. Royal children should be given self-sovereignty. I believe in God-ordained roles. I believe in soulmates.
I don’t know when his kids were born, or if they were born at the right ages. Anything, any song, any graven image, any statue, any mention of him traumatizes me. I hide, my friends are there for suicide watch when or if he is on television.
Decades worth of friendships don’t know we’ve ever met, or why I ran screaming from the abusive room where I was forced to write. I try to hide it, I don’t want people to disparage my reputation and say that I was some drug taking whore or groupie. I could think of nothing worse. I didn’t mention him at university for that very reason, even telling him that it would mark my reputation.
Most people say to me, including family “You should never have gone to England.” I concur. The story he decided to tell my family, my old school mates was that “she took drugs in England”. He said that to hide the abuse. I wasn’t a drug taker and I made sure that I didn’t sleep with anyone. I was an inured woman much like other women were inured. I was being forced, there was no way, no way at all, that I was going to have sex with someone. They weren’t all complicit, but I decided there would be no man I would sleep with there, I wanted to advertise “the forcing”. It wasn’t a free will place for me.
He also tells people I am crazy and autistic, that I shouldn’t have children and not to listen to me. That was one of his threats through gritted teeth, behind the door that was left ajar, that no other man was allowed to open.
The world could have done without any of my words, any of my work or any of that music. I said I was too old and you’ve got the wrong girl if you think I am interested in playing God over other peoples lives, or hatching some kind of scheme to be near the royal family. Or driving my agenda and forcing, lying, being fake, charming, making nefarious plans, putting a strategy together, or otherwise, taking the free will and choices of other people to bend to my will to meet my own ambition.
I quipped, “Who would wish that on a child? Do royalty even want to be there? ”
This was the mid-90s’s all I knew was that I fought for them, said a prayer for them, and pointed out that children are not owned by parents. Children are not to be controlled by their parents, they should have self-sovereignty. Children are not an extension of their parents. I don’t acknowledge anything about him, it makes me vomit to think of him, and I go off social media so I never have to vomit unexpectedly. There is no digital footprint of me ever googling or following. It would stand up in court, everything that he has done to me will. These people have all betrayed me and caused violence and a cycle of abuse. There is only so much abuse that one woman can take before killing herself. They said to me.
It was good before social media, when there was only a one way conversation.
Has he been given a greater portion because he lied and used stand over tactics to get his work? Has he sold his soul to buy his way up the chain of command? Has he been given deference, or credit, or good will? Should he have what he has? Why wasn’t anyone else allowed to be paid or to have credit, if he really hasn’t done anything wrong.
Has he broken his contract of authenticity with the general public, by lying and saying he wrote many tranches of work that he didn’t? The tactics he used were to dissociate a gang rape victim. It’s a simple recipe for people willing to abuse to get their own way and the answers they want. To get lyrics you just have to have a woman or man, raped or controlled, have her sleep on the floor, or (man or woman) try to force them to have sex with you, and be so abusive that she or he dissociates and is terrified of your cruelty and temper. He always says nasty things about people he has attacked or who have told him no, they won’t have sex with him. Even the men.
My God, who would want lyrics that a woman was inured, forced, coerced, and dissociated to have, that weren’t freely given, in fact taken against her will? Who would want that on their soul? Who would want that mammon? Who would want money from that? God rest their souls.
I think he would love to hide that he was planning to have his name in a book of peerage right back then. Guys like these are not good at self-reflection. Can you buy your way in, can you maneuver your way in, can you steal your way in, can you cajole and charm your way in? Surely not. What kind of world would this be if you could? Just imagine the monsters who might try to do this very same thing? Every narcissist and sociopath wants unlimited power for their kids, every narcissist and sociopath dreams of having their child on a throne one day. Can you buy your kids a new place in society? Do people really get a better place in the world, and better opportunities just by stealing? Can you really purchase a place on the throne?
His kids, whenever they were born and whoever they were born to they would be woven into British history and living in palaces as royalty. Can you go from stealing to royalty? Is that even possible? Ambition. Can people really force people to do their bidding so they can take over a world?
I am incorruptible, I can’t be bought, and I am not seller, I am a weaver of stories.
He confided in me that it was almost impossible to pull that off in Britain. I couldn’t understand why the lyrics were important, why it was important to come across as a creative? He said that he didn’t want to be viewed as his dad. It’s sad. It’s not something I want to write here, but I know hiding this secret and this conversation contributed to the inurnment.
I think this could be what he has been trying to hide. I almost couldn’t believe my ears. I wonder if he would try to rearrange the sound of a triple-barrelled surname. You know, to give a little more of a Hollywood touch, a little more razzle-dazzle. You can always do with a little more razzle-dazzle and a few more gold sequins if you are in the public eye.
Especially when things are televised. I don’t think that royalty want to be worshipped here on earth. I don’t think that it is the premise that drives most creatives. Most creatives just want to create, much like this they are driven to. That’s why they want the vision and creative choices to be theirs, successful or not, commercial or not that’s why the vast majority don’t steal all their work. Nor do they sell other people’s work who they have forced to work, or taken the money or the power that it brings.
Did it bring more than he is worth to him, did it bring him power, it brought column inches, and oh isn’t he cheeky the clever lad he always writes a pithy fun lyric. Until he doesn’t anymore.
These guys always want to be photographed with royalty, Hollywood or otherwise. Because these guys seek it out and do good works to be photographed with people with impeccable reputations, after all, they need their halo effect, to rub off their slime.
I am feeling a little Bridgerton today, like a little bit of a Featherington. I wonder what is happening in The Ton today?