I shook the shackles off immediately after returning home. I was on the family boat, at a ball, out with people highly connected in the media. I decided to hide it as I wanted to go “no contact”. I right footed myself. It was easy once I was away from harassment. I was having the best time of my life. It was glorious. He said that that didn’t work for him. He had his mind made up about who I had to be now. I left them to the louche and lazy parties and haze of that scene. With the trashy losers no one liked. I was around the Jetset now, the well-heeled from around the world, the high achievers and we all worked late into night. Sometimes people underestimate how difficult it is to do a double master’s degree. Two accelerated degrees. I was working hard.
He was benefiting by others thinking that the work is his, he became considered to be a Renaissance Man, something he had always wanted. Other poets and writers applauded him, the papers, even the broadsheets said, “What a clever young lad.” He’s not a scrappy bruiser from the side of the tracks after all, the kid has a good head on his shoulder. Given the right circumstances he could almost have been an intellectual. How is societies newest Bon Vivant finding things?
“With these lyrics if you can sing I can get you in front of someone.” I can’t sing, but I was offered to go in and see the label on the off chance that I could sing. For that I was offered a new outfit of designer clothes. I considered taking the clothes and running. I asked them if the label had a “back exit.” I just chuckled to myself before saying. I can’t sing. It was everyone else’s dream but not mine. I dreamt of becoming a writer, a politician, a journalist. I had been raised to be a wife in political circles or the wife of someone who was an elite business person. I’ve dated both. I had dreams of being in radio or journalism, all my work experience and free time had been spent on working towards that. I had started writing lyrics at 12 years old on our Dural property. Reading poetry and literature was how I spent my time. My grandmother insisted that I listen to music from an early age, and that I read Tolstoy, listen to the old Russian composers, and that I become conversant in English literature. She said had only read all the Russians and the French. She spoke French and a number of other languages fluently.
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I don’t think that anyone realises how difficult it is to break into that industry, even for those who are already signed to a band. When he just couldn’t get a solo deal he decided to steal his work, no one could know, and he knew he could just pres the gang rape button, dissociate me and Bob’s your uncle, it’s all his work according to anyone who would agree to be complicit in crimes. The Glitterati are a little like the Illuminati, they are secretive and they rule things, they can break any law and have it covered up. They offer up human sacrifices.
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He stole his work and had people abused, inured and coercively controlled to get across the line that he couldn’t seem to cross before that. He could cross it but this put him in a different class. Before the lyrics he was a subject of ridicule. The poor bruiser from the wrong side of the tracks, he couldn’t break out of the image foisted upon him.
Things can change on a dime in that industry. He used “force” broke laws, prevented police contact, and refused legal rights and human rights, and contact to legal bodies and unions to “take it.” To steal it. He just couldn’t get signed. Everyone but his band knew that he had been trying to leave for 8 or 9 months. Speaking from his narcissism he claimed “he was the most talented” and he had “the best voice”. To get around him, I asked to write for other people, including all of them. Now I wonder if he was also worried that I would tell them, hey bands breaking up.
For the band, he was immovable and blocking me everywhere and wouldn’t allow contact with any women who could help. He will betray his class, he always does behind closed doors, and when his team can’t catch it and point out that he is going to sound like narcissist if he does or says that.
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Another man, not him, once admitted to me that he knew he wasn’t talented enough, but he had the right look. He had worked hard to cultivate it, and he was defaming, scapegoating, and committing crimes for connections. He told me that a lot of people with the right look and very little talent had made it, and he was encouraged by it. Once they had made it, they were virtually untouchable. He said that you had to ruin lives to make it, you had to if you were like him and just had a look and not enough talent. “Lots of people make it in the industry if they are not talented and good looking” he mused, without really considering what he was saying or how it sounded. He seemed to accept that he was in that category.
Everyone knows there are twits in the industry, some of those who are not readers, not playwrights not dramatic actors, they don’t have classical knowledge or critical thinking skills. Other people can see through an argument, but they carry it off.
He rattled off the names of the lives he was going to ruin, he had me held under duress when I tried to tell everyone. So their lives weren’t ruined, so mine wasn’t. The deciding reason that he had me held hostage was that “he couldn’t afford to have someone that big against him in the industry.” That he would “never make it.” He never has. Then he forced me to have sex with someone while under duress. Before blackmailing and extorting everyone else to break into the industry. A little bit of a gangster, he was into drug trafficking, prostitution, inuring women, government fraud, financial fraud, and multiple other criminal endeavors. In this country, you can’t commit crimes, but there, with the right celebrity connections, you could commit any crime and do anything.
Anything could be hidden from the police and politicians if you had the right connections, even the very top of society hide rampant pedophilia there, in inurnment, women who are sex slaves or who are forced to have sex, drug trafficking, and law-breaking. It’s Glitterati meets Illuminati.
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People even freely admit they are pedophiles or have been. They freely admit it. One gay hooker said to me that he was going to meet a glamourous famous paedophile. He had a large home and he was going to his house, he said to me “isn’t it exciting”. I told the room if he is here, I won’t be. Be polite or I won’t be here. That guy was pretending to be related to someone he wasn’t related to, it was fraud and defamation to say so and our hapless and idiotic star, really didn’t care if he was surrounded by fraud and paedophilia. It all just sounded evil, and he was OK with evil. “In fact, I like it love, I don’t want everything sorted out, I want this way.”
I had dropped that gay hooker as a friend. He took me to the creepiest apartment in London. I think in Zone 3 or 4. It has serial killer yellow shag carpet. It had a large, long cage, a human sized one, for a man to act like a dog. It smelled of urine, dog or human, there were dog tags, and dog bowl with his name on it. I was freaking out. I told the star that, and he just chortled and said he needed him and not to be so naïve.
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People in England can simply be “above the law.” They protect each other and lend their names to protecting friends who are doing illegal things. In fact, when they are just about caught that’s when the friends help to obscure things for them. The optics of standing next to someone powerful bury suspicion. They offer a blank cheque, even not asking if crimes have been committed. I wonder if some say, ‘am I helping you to cover up a crime.” Nowadays people supporting crimes, unethical things, racism, they are on the receiving end of every poison pill themselves. They garrison and help things to appear as they are not.
These people are not chumps, they are well-connected. They become a bit like targets for lawbreakers. Maybe its just a criminal thing, or a narc thing; find someone important to stand next to dispel suspicion. Some men who hurt women do it as flex so the police don’t investigate them.
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You must be careful with the language you allow a narcissist to use. Language imbues a situation with meanings not intended and narcissists obscure with language. A narcissist who thinks they are sexy and should be called sexy by all, will use words that betray their narcissism, words like “hurt” not “harm”, words like “love” not “said no.” Invariably they hide a lack of consent by saying whatever they want to. Rapists do that too, they say didn’t like the rape so they can’t be accused of it.
Or sometimes they don’t know, like a paedophile in a school, they seek out people with stature to be photographed next to that renders them above suspicion. In the Me Too movement, a man who had abused a woman would find someone known for women’s rights to be pictured with, or they would support a cause, if they were exploiting women, they would find someone who runs a charity against sex slavery, if they are child molesters, they stand next to someone known for advocating for abusers, if they bully someone they start an anti-bullying charity or give money to one. Its like a sum, like an algorithm, its like a mathematical formula. It’s PR alchemy.